


Tabloid Trip

by HouseOfTucker_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:48:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29340837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HouseOfTucker_Archivist/pseuds/HouseOfTucker_Archivist
Summary: The best headlines ripped from the tawdriest rags.





	1. Chapter 1

VOLUME 1, 2151–2152

# This has Trip written A L L over it.  
  
---  
NEWS IN BRIEF 

## I WAS AN ALIEN'S TELEPATHIC PEBBLE BITCH

***

## I WAS A VULCAN'S ALIEN STUD PUPPY

***

## "I WAS A PERFECT GENTLEMAN!!"

A Starfleet officer talks about space, discipline and temptation. In his own words. 

***

## I SPIED ON THE VULCANS AND LIVED TO TELL ABOUT IT! 

Officer's true account of shipboard intrigue  | 

## STARFLEET'S FINEST IN FIVE-WAY BISEXUAL INTERSPECIES CARGO BAY ORGY

  
Multiple witnesses confirm "they were inseparable! We had to force them apart! You couldn't tell where one left off and the other began!" One insider reveals how he was nearly sucked in to join the twisted mess!  
  
## FLAGSHIP FOULMOUTH! OFFICER'S OFF-COLOR LANGUAGE NOT FOR CHILDREN

"H---", "D---", "Sonofoa#%$@*!" are among Commander Tucker's more frequent utterances.  | 

## HOW DRUGS ALMOST DROVE ME TO MURDER! CONFESSIONS OF A PLANT SNIFFER!

  
The true life account of commune living on an alien planet by a man called "Trip".  
  
## STARFLEET'S FINEST DUMPS LONGTIME LOVER FOR VULCAN BOOB-PLUNGE

Exclusive photos!   
  
## THE SULTAN OF SWEAT: TUCKER'S TRIFECTA OF DESERT DOOM

  
Ocean-loving engineer recounts his harrowing experiences in sandy wastes across three planets! Dehydration, heat stroke, alien death rays, reduced to eating the local wildlife to fend off starvation! | 

## EAT ALL THE PIE YOU WANT AND STILL LOSE WEIGHT!!

  
Starfleet Engineer shares his secrets to diet success.  
Reporting Staff: evay, pookha_hare, stubadingdong, myst123 & bandybones. Publisher: A4T 


	2. Chapter 2

VOLUME 2, 2152–2153

# This has Trip written A L L over it.  
  
---  
Special Report: VIOLENCE ON ENTERPRISE 

## FRACAS ON THE FLAGSHIP ENTERPRISE: OFFICERS NEARLY COME TO BLOWS 

Witness says "The Commander was like a wild animal. I hardly recognized him!"  
***

## OFFICERS CAUGHT IN BAR ROOM STYLE BRAWL ON BRIDGE OF SHIP 

As told by innocent Vulcan bystander 

***  


NEWS BULLETINS

## A DAY AND A NIGHT WITH LIZARD MAN 

One officer's journey into interspecies relationships  
***

## MAYWEATHER EXPOSED ! 

  
Exclusive candid photos of Enterprise helmsman taken by fellow officer. Family shocked!  | 

## 

In an exclusive interview, "Vissians" recount the horrendous treatment of the "Cogenitor" by the human engineer Tucker.  
  
  
## CRAWLING THE CONDUITS — STARFLEET'S FINEST CAUGHT _IN FLAGRANTE DELICTO_

  
Enterprise bridge crewmember recounts tale: "...one of them wished me a good evening..." Read the shocking true account of what happens when boredom mixes with insatiable curiosity! | 

## BOY TOY TO A PRINCESS!

Caught in the act of getting down and dirty, read about how a respected Starfleet engineer nearly threw his career away to satisfy an alien princess. Details and full-color photos on pages 1, 5-15, and the centerfold.  
  
  
## FLOATING ALIENS ATE MY BRAIN... AND MY LUNCH!

  
Flagship's chief engineer recounts the horror of being overcome by a ravenous vaporous succubus!  
Related Story: DENOB DOCTOR ATTACKED!!! Engineer again involved in disturbing violence -"Starfleet's finest" in a shocking story. "No harm done!" says Doc cheerfully.  
  
## ENGINEER GOES MISSING

  
Chief Engineer on Starfleet's flagship mysteriously out of action for days as the captain is on trial for his life! Witnesses say upon Tucker's return, "he held himself very stiffly -- he hardly moved at all! The commander's a flail-his-arms-around kinda guy. Something's definitely wrong!"  
| 

## INSIDER SHARES TALES OF "VENGEANCE-SEEKING SH*T-KICKING" MANIAC ON BOARD ENTERPRISE

Crew privately confide fears they've lost their "sunny Trip" forever. Captain called "an enabler" by jealous Tactical Officer.  
  
Reporting Staff: Li, evay, wychwood, myst123, A4T & bandybones. Publisher: A4T 


End file.
